he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
