help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
only if we run a train.
done.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
