If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
