I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
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I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
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I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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