i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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