So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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