Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
