Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
ok first of all what the fuck
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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