we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
