then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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