Im at strip club and am horny
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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