my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
