my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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