Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
