I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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