I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
