just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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