Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
