We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
