is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
