you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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