what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
