I wish i was in the wii world.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
