Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
