Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
