feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
