Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Boobs speak an international language.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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