I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
