I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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