Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
