maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
