im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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