69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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