plz talk dirty to me
he shaved USA in his pubs
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
