i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
