I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
well you can't waste a boner
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
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Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
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Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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