once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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