if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
