I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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