I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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