dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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