After last night, I could never be a politician.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Randomize
