'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
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I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
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Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize