something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
