My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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