Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize