I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He called his prostate his "boner button".
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
