You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
