in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
