i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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