meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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