I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
