Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
