omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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