Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
