just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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