In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
