he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
