My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize