Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
