My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
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I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
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So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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