Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
