yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
