In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
