Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
