Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
