Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
