and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
