Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
