At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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