Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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