don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
